hair , hair , everywhere

The prof told me there was a 100% chance my hair would start falling out between day 7 and day 10 after my first chemo . Apparently its the evil Epirubicin , the pink bag of toxic liquid , that does it . So when I hit about day 17 with no noticeable loss at all , I started to feel a bit hopeful...maybe I would be that one patient who astounded the doctors . I think when you have long hair , especially curly long hair , the loss is a bit dramatic once it starts . Huge , emotional handfuls of the stuff . My hair loss started on day 18 , and by the time I hit my 2nd chemo , I was sure I'd lost half my head of hair but most people said they couldn't tell . One of the advantages of that Lister hair ? But since it was falling out of my scalp , and then not being able to slide down and out like it would be able to do on sleek , straight hair , it all ended up matting at the back like a big dreadlock .Yuk . The Lister family hairdresser was too far away in Adelaide , so I turned to the Dahl family hairdresser when I thought it was time for "the cut" . I will always be grateful to Greta for the way she did it , so calmly and gently in the kitchen at Haley's house , and for her making me feel like I had control over the situation . 

My new pixie look isnt too bad ! A bit greyer than I'd like , but hey ! Hair's still falling out(and getting all over my soap ! Argghhhh) , but either it doesn't seem like as much because it's short , or it has slowed down...I can't be sure . 

In the meantime , Haley's gorgeous sister in law Claudette had lent me her wig , now that she doesn't need it anymore . ( Her hair has totally grown back and looks beautiful . I'm told that it often grows back curlier and thicker than before.....good news for some people but definitely not for me ! ) But its a dark brown, sleek , straight wig and Jon decided I needed one more like my natural hair so he and I sat down and selected one off the internet , as best you can from a picture. Here's what we chose:

The "Cheryl Cole" , except we ordered it in butterscotch , a little blonder than this pic . It was duly delivered by the DHL man , and looked more "Heidi yodelling in the hills" than "Cheryl Cole" , but I planned to take it to the local hairdresser Natasha to have it trimmed and layered into a suitable style for me . However , Speedo the sausage dog took an instant dislike to "Cheryl" and the moment my back was turned , took her outside to murder her . I've spent a few hours taking twigs and leaves out of Cheryl , but the knots are taking some time . 

So I'm taking Cheryl to Natasha today , to see what she can do . I'm certainly not upset about it , if anything its provided a bit of light relief ! But I think that's because I can't imagine wearing it anyway...I break out in a sweat having the wig on my head for ten seconds ! The last time I wore a wig was an electric blue one to the Edinburgh festival...and even in Edinburgh I was hot , so I don't stand a chance on the equator ! 

I'm told that its totally normal to be anxious about hair loss . The thing that I'm dreading is looking like one of "them" . Those poor sick cancer victims with their tell tale bald heads . Right now , I don't look sick at ALL , and now that I'm two weeks post chemo , I don't even feel sick...just tired . 

My darling Dad arrived last thursday . It's wonderful having his steady, calming presence around , and we both head off to our respective beds after lunch to have our naps . Very handy ! He will stay while I'm away from sunday to thursday this coming week for chemo#3 , and then head home a few days after I'm back . 

Tanya will collect me from the airport and take me to have my day 20 bloods done , to see if I'm well enough for the next chemo . I'll stay with Haley , and Greta will meet us in Richards Bay for the actual chemo on the Monday . Even though I've done it twice now it still seems like a movie , and I'm not sure I'd be able to show up if it wasn't for those gorgeous sister in laws of mine . I try not to think about what it would be like to do this without them . Jon stays here with the kids in school etc. We have been very  open with the kids about all of this , because there is so much to be positive about and no need to hide anything . They seem to be handling it ok at the moment ? We are planning that we all go to SA together for the three weeks of radiotherapy . At least there will be weekends free to do some fun stuff , and it falls in school holidays anyway . 

I'm trying not to think too far ahead though . One day at a time , with some vague planning to try and try and put reins on this out of control situation.