.....Don't say anything at all . I've started an update several times but it's come out all sulky and a little angry , so I've scrapped it . Not to keep my bad moods and feeling sorry for myself from my friends, more just because I couldn't bear the sound of my own typing voice. Don't for one minute think that I'm "brave" or "coping so well" , it couldn't be further from the truth! I really do appreciate those of you who've kept up with little encouragements despite my silence....this is a long old road and I know how crazy life gets so being remembered by you guys is huge . Thank you .
Since I last wrote , I headed back for my 4th and final ( Yay ! ) chemo....full of questions again for the prof...some of them I would be asking for perhaps the third time as he has that knack that clever people do , of not answering my questions , but somehow I only realise halfway home that I still don't have an answer. I'm quite sure he isn't avoiding them on purpose , his brain just assumes more things than mine .
Questions like....why haven't you scanned my other breast,,..I mean , what affected the left one also affected the right , surely? And , why haven't I had baseline body scans..how can you say "M0" ( zero metastases) without having a look ? Oh , and what about my axillary lymph nodes? How about my bone density if I have a family history of osteoporosis and you're suggesting oestrogen blockers? How do we know if chemos working?
To be fair , the prof has never grown irritated at my questions , but , has just never answered them , or answered them well enough to cross them off my list .
I have tried to see Dr Heslop on my previous visits ( highly recommended , lady doctor) but she's been on leave or at a conference . So I had an appointment with her scheduled for after my 4th chemo.
I swanned in for chemo#4 , only to be whisked off to see the prof because my bloods were too low again ( what?????? all that spinach for nothing ?) Whilst he confirmed that I was otherwise well and ready for chemo , he did my routine exam while I was there...and came up with a swollen armpit lymph node...on the same side as my lump . Pffft. No doubt caused by my kids having flu etc...but you cant leave it in a lady in my "condition". Nor would I want them to . So , instead of my second opinion with Heslop , I was in surgery , having the node out and examined under a strong microscope . I only had to delay my trip home by 3 days , and managed to score a lovely, blowy walk on the beach and a therapeutic catch up with my gorgeous cousin Lynne while waiting to hear that it was , all clear . Only then could I celebrate the end of chemo woohoooooo !
I made it home in time for Jon's business' 20th birthday celebrations , and what a special weekend that was . It did me such good to be swept up in the festivities and to hang out with lots of old friends , and some new , all of whom have been huge support to Jon and I . Jon , in his understated way , makes it all seem like he hasn't been working for 20 years...just having fun !
Mostly I was bursting with pride for his able staff , especially the long termers , who handle tourists day in and day out, and make them all feel like they're the first ones ever . I floated around for a few days after that .
And then.....flew back for radiotherapy ! This time , Jon and the kids have joined me . I have had moments when I'm not convinced that's such a good idea , as all the SA kids are at school , and the adults working...it can be a bit dull for them all . But , we have used the time to visit some senior schools in SA , and start getting our heads around the idea .
Radiotherapy is 23 daily sessions , one each week day , with the weekend off . All in all , just over 5 weeks . So far , my food and drink tastes weird , and my armpit's a bit stingy , but I'm managing to drive myself the 1.5 hrs each way every day , except for two days a week when I stay over at Greta and Tim's in Empangeni...Its one of the perks of this saga , bonus time with gorgeous family . Today I'm 9 radio's down , 14 to go .
Did I tell you that my hair never fully fell out with chemo ? But , it turned silver almost overnight and I chopped it short because the thinning looks less noticeable then . After three people insinuating that I had grandchildren (it's so rude !) , I asked Zoe to dye my hair....ugh......I have regretted that ever since . Its the ugliest brown....dull , ugly and yuk . Not Zoe's fault at all , I bought the dye ! But I've worn a hat more since then than ever before.........
I will fill you in on my second opinion results another day...I need a break from all this serious stuff . Love to you all xxxxx
